Probably like most former smokers, my worst days occurred early on. Luckily, I can't really recall those days on an emotional level. I can't recall the feelings of anxiety and stress. (No post-traumatic stress disorder.) I just remember that the feelings were all encompassing and very vivid. I just remember being obsessed with thinking about not smoking and the fear of failure--wondering if I could outsmart the demon. It was only after I figured out that I could not outsmart a devil that I started to relax a little, because I understood that this was not about intelligence, but instead self-preservation; do not engage the demon. I kept asking myself: If not now, then when? I was aware of the fact that I was smoking only because I was addicted. With each milestone--me being quit longer than I had been within each attempt in recent memory--I started to gain more confidence. After about a month, I felt like I had it, but I still really do not feel out of danger--perhaps I never will.
